A COVID-Inspired Dinner Party – Little Old Lady Comedy



As every party host and felon knows, “I didn’t know” is not an excuse for insider trading spreading contagion. Ensure all guests have the results of a recent nasal test to show you upon arrival. If they don’t, why not set up a DIY nasal-testing station? For a festive touch, add bluebird decals to your cotton-swab vials. 


A dinner party without a signature scent is like breakfast without a Russian-imported samovar. My Purell-scented candles will leave your guests feeling like they’ve stepped into a disinfected subway car. (Visit my blog for a recipe on how to hand-dip candles, featuring additional scents like lavender/honey and citrus/bleach.)


A facemask decorating station is a must for any COVID-inspired dinner party. Presentation is critical, however. No guest wants to glue freshwater pearls and handmade silk tortoises onto a mask that’s been casually strewn on the mantle of your 18th-century fireplace like a common rag. Instead, place plain masks on the perch of your favorite birdhouse.


Here’s my signature quarantini recipe:

6 parts vodka or gin
1 part vermouth
The petals of one coneflower, which you should have blooming in your backyard, for its immune system-boosting potential
Shake with ice. Serve in a martini glass. Garnish with a thermometer. 


Has your personal poultry slaughterer gone astray? Not to fear! Simply instruct your guests to visit your chicken coop one at a time (for safety purposes) and select their meal. Print out personalized, decorated notecards — I prefer Victorian lace edges — with instructions on how to kill a chicken. But your hosting duties don’t end there! Visit my blog for my favorite chicken marsala recipe with a touch of zinc and fresh astragalus. You’ll also find my organic defeathering technique.

Party Favors

Send your guests off in style with a decoupaged gift box containing handcrafted acetaminophen.